Upon graduating, I enjoyed a moment of revelry in having accomplished so much. But that moment passed away all too quickly and was overshadowed by the daunting shadow that was the future. As much as I wanted to look at it in my usually optimistic and sunny way, I couldn't. I had just spent the last 17, or so, years of my life as a student. For various reasons it was through the school year and, over the years, the ways in which school changed that I used as my marker of time passing. I think to an extent a lot of people do that. (and I'll always admit openly that I'm weird) But, in many ways, college, especially, was always where I was going. Meaning, from a ride young age of 4 or 5 I started saying that I was going to Biola (just like Lorraine ;-) ). By the time I'd graduated junior high (and Dani can vouch for me on this) that my life goals hadn't changed much. I was still "Biola-Bound". So when I started going to Biola, I started living out my big life goal up until that point. When graduation came and that was over...as some of you well know...I had a hard problem coming to grips with the fact that beyond going to Biola and graduating I hadn't really done more than dream about what was next. Those dreams were all grand and amazing, and a couple are fairly practical. However, completing A MAJOR life goal left me feeling useless. I've done what I set out to do, the story should end here; right? If only it were that easy.
Thanks to my folks and some great friends, who's shoulders were more than soaked, I chose to set out to find whatever it is that's next. The story is not over yet, and although the road ahead looked rough and dark, I had to move forward. So, I moved. Thanks to my family I was blessed with a place to live, rent-free, while I tried to get on my feet. This time was fun. It was strange, and I can honestly say that a lot of what happened in those months are foggy as I know I was on auto-pilot, simply existing and not actively living. In September/October the fog turns into a blur because of an amazing job I found with the same person who 1st put Biola on my radar! (Thanks!) It was also in this time that I re-found/re-forged some friendships that honestly made a world of difference. I had still spending what time I had with friends around, but these guys really helped me realize that I wasn't alone any longer. So, thanks to you too. When the fog lifted I found that the loneliness I'd been experiencing was common amongst a large number of us who had graduated together and at this point in the last year, despite the fact that we were headed into winter, the sun came back out in my life! God is faithful, God is so good, it may take a little while to see what's happening, but He's always been there and always will be there!
I still don't know what's next! I'd love to hope that it's Words Words Words (the bookstore, not this blog) or that it's more Nichelle, or both! But it's all in God's hands, and so am I! So for those of you who have been on this journey with me (either in person or in prayer) thank you so much for your support, thank you for your friendship! I wish there was a better word to express my gratitude, but I hope that thanks is enough for now! Know that I love you all and you've been a huge blessing!
